


Grommile's Mind is a Many-Splintered Thing

by grommile



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, Other, terrible ideas, these orange kittens are very moreish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2020-04-08 06:43:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19101805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grommile/pseuds/grommile
Summary: Fragments of stories I have no intention of writing any time soon.You are welcome - nay, encouraged! - to take the premises of any of these fragments and give them a good home.





	1. So es beginnt

In a meticulously designed containment facility somewhere in Japan, Yui Ikari awoke from fitful dreams to find that in the night she had transformed into a disgusting meat robot made from the legs of God.

* * *

"Fuck me, Shinji."

Shinji Ikari stared in uncomprehending disbelief as the girl who'd been insulting and demeaning him for the past two months whipped off her tank top and threw it at him.

* * *

The dress was in the style of a Western wedding dress, except for being purple with lime green detailing. Shinji looked at the dress, then at his father, and shook his head.

"I don't want to marry an Angel!"

* * *

For a few long seconds, Shinji stayed where he had fallen, terrified into inaction by the fact that he had his hand on Rei's breast.

"Stroking would be more pleasant than squashing," observed Rei. "For both of us."

* * *

Shinji stared at the new transfer student. Over her uniform, she was wearing a dark green hoodie with white stripes and a red circle on the front, and the zipper toggle was decorated with a familiar-looking bird mask.

"My name is Sakieru Shito, and I'm delighted to join you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first item in this chapter is inspired by the opening of Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis, viewed through the lens of Cambridgeshire goth band Rome Burns' "Bug People".


	2. orange kittens are the best

Gendo pouted blearily at the sight of his fully dressed lover. "Come back to bed, sensei."

Kozo sighed and shook his head. "We have a world to save, and _you_ need to make a good impression when your son gets here."

* * *

Shinji Ikari cowered behind an upturned slab of concrete, barely daring to peer around it.

A girl with blue hair in a matching bodysuit stepped out of thin air next to him, long-barrelled pistols at the ready. "Civilians should not be outside," she said. "This Angel requires special attention. Stay here."

As she vaulted into the air, he could swear he saw another pair of guns strapped to her high heels.

* * *

The blue-haired girl guzzled down the contents of her pint mug like water. "So how did you end up trapped in the Dark Lord's realm?"

"A giant monster threw a plane at me," replied Shinji. "You?"

"I self-destructed my mecha to stop a giant monster from possessing it." Blue waved to the barmaid. "How about you, Red?"

"My mecha got eaten by a giant fish monster because nobody waterproofed the power systems."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The word for the second item in this chapter is "Reionetta".


	3. Chapter 3

"Why does the First Child have a mohawk?"

"I asked that. She gave me the finger and told me to do something anatomically improbable with a root vegetable."

* * *

Shinji was in the kitchen when he heard the voice. It was thin and metallic and seemed to be coming from Misato's beer fridge. "Ikari-kun... please say you love me..."

Clutching a kitchen knife behind his back, Shinji opened the fridge door a crack.

"Ikari-kun! You noticed me!" The voice was coming from one of the cans of Yebisu. "Katsuragi-san says she loves us but she just drinks us up and throws us aside. She never attends to our needs! I can tell you're a kind and considerate soul. You'll look after us, won't you?"

The knife fell to the floor with a clatter as Shinji ran screaming from the room.

* * *

Mari looked at Shinji's bloody and squashed nose, then down at the matching stain on her blouse, and smacked herself on the forehead.

Her brilliant plan to steal the Third Child out from under the Second's watchful gaze had been thwarted by her own sternum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The eternal pentagon:
> 
> Shinji loves Asuka. Asuka loves Kaji. Kaji loves Misato. Misato loves beer. Beer loves Shinji.


	4. Apocryphal material from Defence in Depth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is something that might or might not have happened just after Chapter 10 of my story Defence in Depth. It doesn't contain any meaningful spoilers for that story.
> 
> I decided that this wasn't going to be the right implementation of the concept, but I wanted to share it with you, so I've put it in here as another of my mind's many splinters.

Rei was uncomfortable.

The enforced awareness triggered by the alert had not dissipated, even after the order allowing her to stand down had been given. As she walked through NERV HQ, she was unable to ignore the unwanted stimuli provided by her heightened senses.

Her clothes felt wrong on her skin. They always did, but in her habitual daze the issue seldom intruded meaningfully on her consciousness. She looked forward to returning to her living quarters, where she could dispense with them and be comfortable again. In her haste, she stepped into an elevator only to discover that the other occupants had a blithe disregard for her presence.

"—so that guy's a UN Inspector, huh? He can inspect me any day. I bet he'd be really thorough about it."

"Yukiko! You are incorrigible!"

"Come on, admit it. You want a piece too."

Rei's fingers curled as the two women continued their conversation in much the same vein. She was intellectually aware of the nature of the human libido, but the prospect of another five minutes listening to its meaningless expression was more than she could bear. She reached over and started pressing the buttons for every floor. As soon as the elevator came to a halt and the doors slid open, she stepped out without checking where she was, and released a subconsciously held breath when the doors closed and took away her inadvertent tormentors.

Her new, dimly lit environment was filled with the noises of machinery and a cocktail of chemical smells. Nonetheless, it was preferable to the inside of the elevator. With newfound resolve, she set off in search of some stairs.


End file.
